Radical Self Care

Did you ever notice a voice in the back of your head when you put your self first? 

I’m talking mainly to other moms now - Cause I know all about that voice, and it grew stronger as I became a mother. 

I also heard it several times from people standing straight in front of me, and ohhh yeah I also heard it from people talking behind my back. 

It’s a discussing voice made for the solo purpose of putting you down!! I mean there is absolutely no reason to listen to anyone who’s interested in putting you down - and especially if the voice is coming from inside your own head!

As a mom living alone with my 3 kids between 8 and 1, being self employed and once again being thrown into the circus of life; figuring out how to get by, being a good parent and following my heart’s desire, my souls purpose and not getting stuck in the hamster wheel of the big city-life. I know how hard it is to find time for your self, I know how you look at your bank account and wonder how you can allow yourself to spend just 400 kr for 1/2 hour of massage [even though you actually need 3 hours of massage every week], or how getting someone to take care of your kids because your invited to a birthday party could feel like you neglect the precious time you have with your children.

But some years back I made a radical big STOP of blaming and feeling bad every time I did something for ME. I had to, I was in an unhealthy marriage, with a husband who [also] blamed me when I did anything that was somehow related to “just me”, even working early mornings or late evenings [life of a yoga teacher] once or twice a week became an issue, so if I wanted to go out with a girlfriend one night it became a BIG deal [internaly and externally]. If I sat down for meditation I was selfish, if I spend some money on my self or a training, I wasn’t contributing to the family - on the contrary I was taking from the family… WOW big STOP. At the end I was breaking, I put myself down so much I wasn’t even practicing yoga for my self anymore!

But luckly I had decided to book a [women only] retreat at the end of the summer to the magical land of Avalon, with my best girlfriends - who I blessed call Sisters now.

I felt horrible leaving my two boys home for a week alone with their father [!!!] But I needed it -soooo bad. I needed to fill my own cup, my chalice, my body temple, cause it was sucked dry. And it was by far the best decision I made in my grow-up life!! Not only was a filled up, I was ready to make radical decisions in my life and confident that i couldn’t keep giving, or poring from an empty cup, I needed Self Care back in my life, and I needed to think about ME, my feelings and my wellbeing. I started to say to my self “Your kids will BENEFIT from having a mother who is healthy, happy and feel confident about her self and has energy to play, nourish and take care of them”. I started to turn of the voice at the back of my head, the one talking myself down. I started ‘small’ putting little rituals of self care into my daily life, which made radical changes in my confidence and over all wellbeing, I started to spend more time with my girlfriends, went to get that massage or go to a yoga workshop, and I took that time in nature I had longed for… and I got my self back together by learning to take care of my self [first], with that my selfconfidence grew and I learn how to see my self in my own light, and as I grew I finally felt powerful enough to leave the unhealthy marriage I was in!

Now years down the road, I quickly feel when I forget to take that time for my self. And I know how to walk away when people put me down or when they are draining me.

I know that what I need - and all mothers [well everyone] needs is Radical Self Care, a little bit every day, and some days big doses or even a week away from your everyday life, to get you back on track - with your Self.

So go do your self a favour, STOP listening to that voice in the back of your head that’s making you feel bad or talk you out of doing good for YOU. And if people around you do it to - I am pretty sure they are not worthy of your presence in their life!

Self Care is Self Love - make it Radical ♡

With love

Pernille Aven

If you’re in an urgent need for some radical self care, I have one room left on my ‘Currents of the Heart’ retreat in Bali this March - and you are most welcome for a week of Radical Self Care in paradise. More info here ♡